Queen’s Park F.C. Ugly Sweater

This story is about my friends MIL, and her wedding. Strap in guys, this is a Queen’s Park F.C. Ugly Sweater in which I did THE THING that got me banned from any of her family functions. (Plus a few threats of dismemberment and bodily harm) A good friend of mine from university was getting married! They had been a couple since Junior year of college, through her 2 years in the peace corps and currently her return to this continent. 6 years in total. She had been to all manner of family functions and always came back with a strange story about how she thinks her MIL secretly hates her. But she being a very quiet and sweet person pushed those thoughts aside. Point 1: She is vegetarian and jewish, husband is not. She was invited and went to Christmas dinner and figured she would just eat sides, as well she brought a vegetarian casserole. MIL, after knowing her for THREE years, and being told by husband a few weeks before about not to forget friend doesn’t eat meat…proceeded to put meat in every dish. Friend drank water and ate her casserole the whole night while MIL cried to everyone that friend was so rude for not eating her cooking. Anyway, back to the story. A few friends and I were asked to be in the wedding. Friend has a HUGE family and so this was not going to be a small affair. Neither of them is particularly religious, but friend said it was would be nice to be married under a hoopa. (Think an arbor but 4 poles and covered with a white cloth and lots of flowers) Husband said he could care less, and told her to go and rent one for the wedding. I was at the bridal shower when MIL found out the “pretty canopy” was actually a hoopa. She almost lost her shit in front of a bunch of people, but managed to compose herself and laugh angrily that “if the jews were being represented so would the catholics.” In my head I heard a record screech, guys… they aren’t catholic.

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Queen’s Park F.C. Ugly Sweater,

Best Queen’s Park F.C. Ugly Sweater

He casually stepped out from behind the Queen’s Park F.C. Ugly Sweater, to face them both. Creeps was seething in toward Sasha from behind with his lips parted around clenched teeth. Sasha obviously didn’t see either of them. Bridger took a single step past Sasha when she got to the sled I’d left behind, and then a single step toward Creeps, who… stopped. Stopped right in his damn tracks. Bridger just stared at him calmly, standing behind Sasha as she loaded wood into the sled. Creeps’ fury never left his face, it looked like heat was coming off him, raging breaths between clenched teeth, dark eyes narrow, boring into Bridger. Holy. Fuckin. Shit. Was I actually witnessing a standoff? Did Sasha’s gift work on Bridger? God damn. I watched, slack-jawed, as Sasha pulled the sled of firewood up the path, passing Creeps and Bridger. Creeps tore his gaze away from Bridger and sprinted off into the pasture at inhuman speed. Bridger slowly turned, looked up at me, and his calm expression was replaced by his old look of fiery judgment, then walked up the hill into the forest. Sasha smiled triumphantly when she got to the porch, then grew a look of concern when she saw the stupid disbelief on my face. I looked over Sasha’s head at Hank, Pete and Buck behind her in the yard, who returned gazes of icy hatred toward me, then walked off toward the cottonwood trees. I looked back at Sasha, still shocked. “Babe what!? Talk to me!” I stumbled for words. “I, sorry, nothing’s wrong, I just, you… Let’s get the wood stacked, I’ll tell you inside.” I explained what’d happened, and she was almost as disbelieving as I had been watching it. I was honestly ecstatic, and felt sincere relief for the first time in weeks. Bridger was clearly a leader, at least to most of em, and had taken some kind of liking to Sasha, and didn’t want her gettin messed with. At least that’s the only conclusion I could possibly surmise. It felt like a 50lb weight was taken off my soul. I realized how much of my anxiety had been centered on them going after Sasha. Creeps clearly didn’t lend her any credit for her peace offering, as Bridger and the rest had, but her being haunted by 1 is better than 5.

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I’d also like to make a Queen’s Park F.C. Ugly Sweater, makeup, and general styling (like jewelry) also make a big impact in the way outfits are perceived. With a modern, intentional haircut, any outfit automatically reads are more stylish, instead of just the first thing you grabbed that looked like pants.  Makeup plays an equally big role. Overplucked eyebrows made an entire generation of women look like they were stuck in the past, as does harsh contouring, and other major elements of hair and makeup, like thick, blocky eyebrows. The Kate Gosselin haircut, the too-light blonde hair curled with a 2-inch barrel curling iron that every single woman on Pinterest has, the ring finger painted in a  different color than all the others.     Think of those ladies who wore permed hair and blue eyeshadow into the 90s and 00s. You don’t want to be the 2023 version of that lady – unless you do it extremely well and intentional for the camp factor.  If you found this helpful, I’m interested in creating more spotlight posts on specific items that can be updated. We could just do bigger categories – shoes, outerwear, dresses, etc. or we could focus on one specific item people are finding particularly difficult to part with, but would like to freshen up. If you have any ideas or requests, please let me know.